All material in this blog (written/audio/visual) is copyrighted. Do not duplicate without explicit consent from the author.

08 February 2009

Hard Days

sometimes the world seems to close in on me
it steps back and shuts its doors
the curtains close, the lights go out and no one seems to be home.
the sun fades
the moon turns dark
and the stars fall out of the sky.

-Sarah, written 1991

I wrote this many years ago but it helps to explain the hard days that I have every once in a while. I never get lost in my sadness, my heart just gets heavy and I have to let it be that way sometimes. The weight of the world sits on my shoulders now and then.

I am a strong person, able to overcome and plow through any issue, problem, sudden situations, sad moments and hard times. In fact, I prefer to laugh rather than be mad or cry. However, once I have made my way through the chaos and everyone around me is ok, then I feel myself beginning to break down. Most always, I allow myself to do this. It's important to cater to your emotions and tend to your heart in these instances. It's also important to ask for a lot of hugs. Warren will give me the biggest bear hug. He'll wrap his arms around me and hold me until I thoroughly showered in his love. Hugs are magic I'm telling you. I love to hug.

They say you shouldn't drown your sorrows. But if you don't have addictive tendencies and swing more on the common sense side of things, then why not, I say. When I feel hard days coming on, I am sure to face them head on and in style. I'll load my shopping cart with my favorite kinds of wine, a small bottle of advil and some expensive organic chocolate. I'll come home, pour a nice glass of wine and patiently let it breathe. As I begin to drink my wine, I savor the richness of it and am thankful that I can afford wine when I have a bad day. I say that because I've had bad days, where I've had no money for wine and that is really hard.

After the first glass I feel a warmness surround my heart and a fuzziness in my head. At this time, I pour another glass and get the chocolate out. Depending upon my mood and the time of day, I will usually choose one of two things to do that always make me feel better. These things, involve me being with myself.

If I'm really feeling like crap, I take the bottle of wine and my chocolate and I make me a nice comfy bed on the couch. I turn on the TV and flip right over to the Lifetime channel. Nothing is better than drowning your sorrows in someone elses cheesy, girly, made-for-tv movies. I spend hours on the couch crying my eyes out, feeling so bad for these tv characters. Soon, I'm too tired and spent to watch anymore. I turn over and sleep for a while. When I wake up, I usually have a headache, so I pop some advil and drink tons of water. Strangley I feel a little better.

Other times, I just get the blues. I mean, I NEED to sing and dance
to the blues. I pull out my CD that Warren made me - Sarah's Soul Hits - composed of all the soul songs that tear at my heart strings - songs that I must hear. I bring my bottle of wine over to the table, close the curtains (no one should see this), and put in my CD. Oh yeah, the blues. There's nothing like them. I grab my wine bottle and use it as my microphone and proceed to sing the blues to my imaginary audience in a dark, dingy, smoky bar . When the CD's over, I bow to the audience and go to bed.

I always feel better the next day. And if I don't, I just drink more wine. If it's a work night, I'll just cook dinner, have a couple glasses and go to bed early. It'll pass, it always does.

No comments:

Post a Comment